You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
