I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
