No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
