the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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