put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
