Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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