There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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