I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Plan B is the new Plan A
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
