hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
