im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Someone shattered a urinal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
