Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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