the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
