And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
