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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
