thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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