Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
