Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
