I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
