weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
