I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
