at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
