Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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