I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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