My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
