My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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