I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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