I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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