Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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