Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
