I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
