Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
