i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
