Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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