I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
two words...techno handjob
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
