Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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