If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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