FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
