you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
