Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
