this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We were destined to go to rehab together
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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