i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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