It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
