I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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