Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
