New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
