What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
