did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
