he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
