my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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