I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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