You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
