its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
