Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
