He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
